Moody Contemplations

I am not sure what exactly it is that I am trying to write about tonight.  I have a lot of feelings and ideas about the world and what I am personally experiencing in life and in love.  I'm not sure that I'm ready to talk about those things openly.  I'm not sure I actually know how to interpret certain situations and events because I have so many different struggles.  One thing that I feel like can be difficult for me with my C(DS)PTSD diagnosis is that reality sometimes gets a little bit blurry.  What is real vs. what I projection.  I do a pretty good job at keeping these things separate but it is something that I have to work actively on keeping straight and improving.  

I thought that I might do some kind of a free write but isn't that kind of always what I'm doing when considering different things and viewpoints?  One could argue that it absolutely is.  I don't think that's wrong.

Hand in hand

We stood once.

Side by side

We were happy.

Now there is distance there.

Pushing away, while pulling

Open and honest

The dialogue ran.

Now it's

strained and sad.

My world feels slightly distorted.  I feel like everyone is lying to me and being at least slightly dishonest.  I'm not sure why I feel like that, nothing has actually happened for me to feel like that.  Maybe it's just the lack of open and honest dialogue.  I wish people would just speak their mind instead of holding back thinking that tact is important.  Say the words that you want to say.  The people that are meant for you will still be there after.  

--AJR